sick of the hard
I was recently talking to a friend about various struggles going on right now and the storm that is so clearly looming before us (more on that later). Being the wise friend that she is, she found this photo of me on a recent hike and made this meme of something I said in the conversation.
It made me laugh.
Because that is totally how I felt on that hike! This was the Mist Trail to the top of Vernal Falls. The hike gains 1000ft in elevation over just 1.5 miles. It's called the Mist Trail for good reason. It is slick from the spray coming off the waterfall. Sometimes there is a railing beside you and sometimes there is not. I wanted to keep looking up at the rest of my family, ensuring their safety or gouging how far ahead they were, but the height mixed with exertion mixed with upwards looking with my neck kept bringing on my vertigo. That position of looking upward was the one that physical therapy never really healed after my injury and I'll always be susceptible to.
So this hike....like life.... Was like this: It was full of beautiful scenery and yet felt so hard. The tricky thing was that it was just as difficult coming down, because your legs and knees were so tired from the uphill. One way really wasn't easier than the other. I wanted, and tried, to be psyched up about doing a hard thing at the moment, but in the moment that whole idea just sort of felt like a load of crap! If you look closely at the photo, I'm in the blue and looking up. You can see that's how I'm feeling. (This must've been a photo my husband took)
This hike...like life... Went something like this: Take 3 steps. Stop. Rest. Breathe heavily. Climb a couple more steps. Stop again. Take some pictures to remind yourself how pretty and worthwhile it is. Climb a few more. Stop again. Eat something. Stare at the waterfall to remind you that you're just 'so close' (even though you really aren't & it just seems that way) and that you've come so far so you might as well finish. Go a few more steps with your head down so you are just focused on one foot in front of the other. Wonder why the hell you ever thought this was a good idea. Repeat until you get to the top and think 'Wow! I did that! This is so beautiful and that was so worth it!'.