to scale or not to scale
Today I am having a debate with myself. For a couple of years now, I have started each new program or recommittment with weighing and measuring myself. Doing Beachbody programs, this has been, in part, to have stats to turn in at the end of the program in order to earn a free shirt and an attempt at being a success story and winning money. It has also been a way of having a reality check per se as to whether I've been honest with myself and doing things as I needed to. However, I acknowledge that it's also been a tool for ED and Satan. The continued attempts at making that scale move, without much success, has opened a big ol' hole for those nasty voices. I don't believe that my worth is based upon the number on the scale. I absolutely have seen change and progress in spite of the lack of movement of those numbers. I would be lying if I said it didn't bother me. Besides, what about when a sudden and inexpiable increase or decrease in weight is a signal of a medical issue to be addressed? And so I am trying to detach from that number once again. I haven't stepped on the scale in a long time and I recognize that has been because of fear. A fear of facing my reality. If that is the case, then shouldn't I perhaps step on it? Step One is all about acknowledging our lives as becoming unmanageable and recognizing our powerlessness. If I am going to admit to that....to fully own it and be humbled by it.... then don't I need to do that. For a compulsive or binge eater, is the scale then a useful tool rather than the tool of punishment it is for an anorexic or bulimic? I don't have the answers here, but I believe they lie in the value I place on myself and that number that I see. I think that I will find myself doing those weights and measures tomorrow.... and then I think that I will hide the scale until I have finished working the steps. Completing challenges and having something to show for it in submitting for those Beachbody contests and such is a huge motivator for me. But maybe it's been the wrong motivator. So I'm still going to do those workouts that are so wonderful and so good for me....but not with the end result of a specific goal in mind. I am going to move forward with simply the goal to work the steps and create lasting and loving healthy habits and mindsets.