ahead to 2015
I've been looking at my dream board from 2014 and considering 2015 ahead. What's interesting to me is the number of big scary things I did, or big dreams that came true while I totally failed on 'smaller' things that were written down as goals. At the same time, I don't really feel like I failed either. I simply didn't accomplish them in the time I anticipated or with the focus I expected of myself. Yet, I've still been moving along and moving forward and the changes within me are still going to get me closer to those goals. Big dreams realized and scary things done? Wow! We were able to save up as a family and get Annual Passes for Disneyland- something that seemed far beyond reach. I was able to kill my previous triathlon time and I ran a 10K, my longest distance running race ever. We started last year by biking to the gun range at midnight.... which is pretty scary for a girl who gets nervous on that during the daytime and who was scared of riding her bike on roads with cars until even just a few years ago. That's definitely NOT happening tonight. Am I totally bummed that I STILL haven't hit that weight loss goal? Um, yes. However, I'm feeling a new bravery for facing that challenge more as an eating disorder (which I'm told is the same as an addiction and I've certainly got experience and knowledge in that area). I'm also finally following through with some doctor issues that will hopefully help. My plan is to continue on the path I've been, to implement affirmations, and THIS talk.... I want this talk to embody my life.
I keep having the phrase "The Lord makes what we have enough" or "Gratitude turns what we have into enough" run through my mind. I keep thinking about this discussion I heard about the miracle of the fishes and loaves. What if the fact that that small amount fed thousands had nothing to do with the amount... what if it was all about the people? What if the miracle wasn't that resources were multiplied, but rather that what was available was ENOUGH? The miracle was in each and every person. THAT is what I am feeling and thinking of going into the new year. This is why we are, as a family, going to focus more on serving and recognizing what we have as enough. I want to share love, hope, faith, authenticity, hard things, and joyful things. I'm going to start writing again and blogging again because my heart has been telling me to for months. I've slowly been working my way back to trusting myself wholly, and this is just another step in that direction. Some big things are coming in 2015, and I AM setting goals and putting dreams on that board...but I'm also just choosing to trust God to lead me where I need to be and in the way I need to get there. I'm trusting that I'm exactly where I need to be and will be again this time next year.